An article came out recently that Americans aren’t partying as much as we used to. My friend Derek Thompson has been cataloguing this in what he calls the Anti-Social Century.
The latest American Time Use Survey last month had some jarring facts:
1. Between 2003 and 2024, the amount of time that Americans spent attending or hosting a social event declined by 50 percent.
2. Among young people ages 15 to 24, they spent 70 percent less time attending or hosting parties in 2024 than in 2003.
3. Men who watch television now spend 7 hours doing so for every hour they spend hanging out with another person outside the house.
4. The average female pet owner spends more time with her pet than all humans put together.
I was 28 years old in 2003. At that time, I was a party promoter in Manhattan. Yes, that’s partially how I spent my twenties. I threw parties under the name “Ignition NYC” with a couple of partners. I did it for a few reasons as a young aspiring entrepreneur, but those years comprise some of my fondest memories of young adulthood. Did I meet Evelyn at one of those parties? No I did not. But that’s not the point.
Apparently we are just about half as social now as we were back then.
This makes me sad on any number of levels. What are the causes? Of course screens are a major factor – you used to have to go out to see people or communicate with them. That’s what bars were for. Now, you can sit in your bedroom and like and comment. There are dating apps to meet people. COVID changed our culture these past several years. Young people drink a lot less alcohol, which isn’t something you’d generally point out as a problem.
I think a lot of it, personally, has to do with average prosperity. Let’s say I move into a nice new apartment at 25 years old with a friend. Maybe we have a little housewarming party. I meet somebody. We date for a while and get engaged. We throw an engagement party to celebrate. We get married. Then we buy a starter house as a couple when we’re 30. We invite our friends and family over to see the house. We have couples over for dinner. Then we have a baby shower.
That’s at least six parties right there.
But today, maybe instead of an apartment you’re in your parents’ spare bedroom – not exactly an ideal environment to have someone over. Maybe you have multiple roommates. There’s no housewarming party because there’s no house. Parties are often used to celebrate a new stage. Every stage is harder now.
Throwing a party is an optimistic act. You need a place to throw said party. You need the time to plan it. You need to have the confidence that people will come. Maybe you need some money to buy the food and drink. Your friends need to have the time and ability to attend.
Related – I remember going to concerts for $25 or $30 back in 2003. Today, those tickets might cost 5 times as much.
A thought experiment for you - if everyone received $1,000 a month in Universal Basic Income, would there be more partying? Sources say yes.
A prosperous society parties more. A sad, lonely society parties less.
As you can see, I am distressed by this new normal. So a few months ago I threw a no-phones Offline Party in Manhattan. I booked a venue and had my friend Conrad Taylor DJ. Over 350 people showed up. Finally, my 7-figure social media following paid off! At our next party, 700 people showed up. Apparently, word had spread that the first one was a great time. This past week we took Offline on the road to Los Angeles, and 400 people showed up. That’s over 1,000 people coming out, making memories and having a good time. Who knows, maybe someone met someone. Evelyn has been joking that now she knows what it was like to date me in my twenties.
I’m someone who pursues both bottom-up and top-down solutions. On this one, it’s something we can do in our own lives.
This might sound ridiculous, but if you have the ability to do so, invite people over to do something. Maybe host a barbecue or a game night. When you’re on the fence of going out to someone else’s thing, get off your ass and go out. You’ll be glad you did. Netflix will still be there the next day.
Let’s take matters into our own hands. Put down your phone. It’s time to Make America Party Again.
To join the Offline Party list click here – we will be heading back to New York, then to Boston, the Bay Area, Austin and Chicago. To see what we are doing at Forward click here. My friends Ali Partovi and Claire Shorall have started Sway, a new platform to empower civic activism. For my interview with them, click here. If you’ve ever wanted to get people behind you to make a change in your community, Sway makes it a lot easier!
The lack of activity in my very modestly populated city is palpable on most nights, particularly since COVID. There are times when I value being alone and just hearing silence. But I know that I must maintain human contact on, at least, a basic level outside of work. This week, I have ridden my bike with over 500 people and even managed to talk with a few who weren’t my significant other. I have also planned to gather with an old HS friend and her parents, more than likely with a few other friends tossed in. We need human connection. I have a human who I adore and we connect on several mutually beneficial levels. For that, I am blessed beyond measure. But I do need the presence of other humans. Others need that, too, regardless of whether they will ever admit it.
We don’t party like we used to, because we don’t build like we used to.
Real celebration comes from shared effort, shared risk, shared triumph.
If we want to party again, we need to create something worth celebrating together.
Most parties and events today are re-runs.
So what are we building now that’s worth the celebration?